#parent tony stark

[fuckingbraingizzards]

Okay so late night thoughts that will be incoherent but whatever

I remember from my Wisdon tutorial in Uni where we cover Judaism, Catholic and Christianity in the first class. Catholic and Christianity branching and originating from Judaism and such

But then the professor that Catholic being Greek(?) and Christianity being Roman(?)

OR the other way around I’m not entirely sure (this was now 20 ish weeks ago) so I was thinking when it came to fandom talk about Percy Jackson and the gods of different mythologies technically are related to The God, Jesus and Judas. (More God than Jesus and Judas as from my understanding those two are more like demigods and messengers for gods will)

I did ask the question on the belief of the Greek gods, the professors respond that the belief of The Creator is that their is one, that there is no continuous cycle of creation (example, our parents were born from their parents, their parents were born from their own parents and so up until Adam and Eve kind of thing) and that having the mulitple gods is personification of an idea. Which ok god point, but technically the gods came from one sole thing. Chaos which is from brief google search and quick reading I’m obviously not surprised where the Big Bang theory came from.

So far we have

Chaos, big bang theory, God from all three previously mentioned

How does this have to do with anything

WELL I was thinking on how Allah, the Buddha are intertwined.

After again VERY BREIF reading of Google. Islam is quite “there is no God but god.” As well with Muhammad being a messenger for him

DOES ANYONE SEE A PARTNER YET??

Obviously you’re currently going to “how the fuck does this correlate to anything Greek mythology related. Well (I have no idea) BUT Greek and Roman mythology are quite intertwined and have similarities that cross over in both (as I’ve seen Apollo is still named Apollo in both sides)

I was thinking, It’s got to be the same with the rest??

THERE IS NO WAY ALL RELIGIONS BELIEVE IN ONE SEPERATE GOD THERE IS NO WAY.

It’s got to be about the same god and same messenger. God and Allah, Jesus and Muhammad.

Further research has been done. Islam is recorded to be the oldest religion in the world but Judaism is the grandparent of Islam…

They have the same prophet Abraham mentioned.

YOU ALL ARE FIGHTING OVER THE SAME GOD THEY JUST HAVE RECORDED DIFFERENT NAMES BECAUSE THE MESSENGERS WERE GETTING ATTACKED

That also being said the messengers also spread different names, maybe Gods plan? Different aliases to have the world as it is because of His plan?

Anyway I’m going to bed my head can’t handle another thought

[winterironrox]

Someone pls give me Tony adopts deaged Gamora and Nebula. I need it desperately

[popcorn-plots]

..... hypothetically. Could the curse in Beauty and the Beast work with platonic love? Or familial love between a father and a son or a nother and a daughter?

Take Tony and Peter. Father-son relationship, right?

What if Tony never loved anyone after his parents? Sure he appreciates his servants, but does he really love them? No. He doesn't have any friends in this AU, so no platonic love.

And then he meets Peter, a teenager who wanders off into the woods and gets trapped in this castle and Tony gets furious because it's his private area. But then he sees Peter's doe eyes and breaks a little bit. After spending some time with the kid and getting to know him, Tony just adopts Peter. He is Tony's son now. And Tony realizes he can love. It just wasn't in a way he expected. Tony thought he'd have to find romantic love and it crushed him because he's pushed away everyone he ever cared about, refusing to admit his feelings for them (because there's probably an element of being aware of your own love) and thinks no one can love him.

Then Peter comes along and finds out that Tony is a softie and fills the gap that his parents and various caretakers created over the years and starts to look up to and love Tony as a father figure. And the spell breaks. Because Tony learned how to love, and the curse never specified what kind of love it was.

[yes-i-am-happyaspie]

My favorite thing about Tumblr polls is that I can use them to quell my internal debating by putting the majority of my decision-making process on literally anyone else.

I've started a Bio Dad AU that involves a good bit of backstory and a lot of twisty turns that have required me to do a lot of plotting. It's getting really convoluted at this point, and I'm thinking I would really like to make it a No Powers AU as well. But I also feel bad about leaving out the powers (Even though I ADORE reading No Power AUs!)

Anyway...

their* >> tumblr won't let me edit the poll

[loveeari]

tony ignoring peter for morgan makes me sob but its like a wound i keep picking. Like i need to read more.

[the--sad--hatter]

My first fanfic. Quality wasn't 100% but it still holds a place in my heart ♥️

Name Calling (Mobile Masterlist)

                                            COMPLETED

FANDOM - MARVEL MCU

PAIRING - BUCKY X READER (female reader, no physical descriptions)

WARNINGS - ALL OF THEM, SMUT, VIOLENCE ANGST

DESCRIPTION -  

Vernichtung - Destruction, Annhialation.

It was what you were named and what you were supposed to be but the only thing you wanted to destroy was Bucky Barnes. 

The ongoing and bloody war of words between you and Bucky turns in your favor when a disgruntled one night stand of his lets slip a secret when you run into her in the elevator… Now you have all the ammunition you need to destroy your enemy but you don’t plan on killing him quickly. Oh no, Bucky Barnes was going to suffer and you were going to enjoy every second. You just didn’t count on enjoying it quite so much. 

But when your past catches up to you in the form of the mad scientist who made you, Bucky might be one of the only things that can save you from yourself. You can’t run from what you are but with his help, you can fight back.

Current Word Count -  131,583   

1. Chapter One - Cereal Killer

2. Chapter Two - Game Changer

3. Chapter Three - Vernichtung

4. Chapter Four - Murder On The Dance Floor

5. Chapter Five - The Dating Game

6. Chapter Six -Mrs Captain Spandex

7. Chapter Seven - Fight or Flight

8. Chapter Eight - Introduction To Fatherhood

9. Chapter Nine - Mission Control

10. Chapter Ten - The Lies We Tell

11. Chapter Eleven - Coffee Ransom

12. Chapter Twelve - Blue Moon

13. Chapter Thirteen - The Best Laid Plans

14. Chapter Fourteen - Safe As Houses

15. Chapter Fifteen - Free As A Bird

16. Chapter Sixteen - The Circle Of Life

17. Chapter Seventeen - Puzzle Pieces

18. Chapter Eighteen - The Way She Makes Me Feel

19. Chapter Nineteen - Fury’s Shadow

20. Chapter Twenty - Obstacles

21. Chapter Twenty-One - A Kitten In A Birds Nest

22. Chapter Twenty-Two - First Day On The Farm

23. Chapter Twenty Three - Revelations

24. Chapter Twenty Four - Around The Campfire

25. Chapter Twenty-Five - Trending

26. Chapter Twenty-Six - The Cat’s Out Of The Bag

27.Chapter Twenty Seven - Daddypool and Princess Peach

28. Chapter Twenty Eight - An Old Friend

29. Chapter Twenty Nine - Iron Dad In Law

30. Chapter Thirty - The Beast Within

31. Chapter Thirty-One - Roses And Thorns

32. Chapter Thirty-Two - Let Sleeping Soldiers Lie

33. Chapter Thirty-Three - Capture The Cat

34. Chapter Thirty-Four - Starkcation

35. Chapter Thirty-Five - Education 

36. Chapter Thirty-Six - Health Benefits 

37. Chapter Thirty-Seven - Sign On The Dotted Line

38. Chapter Thirty-Eight - Wilson Squared 

39. Chapter Thirty-Nine - A Reintroduction To Fatherhood

40. Chapter Forty - Growth 

41. Chapter Forty-One - Mischief Managed 

42. Chapter Forty-Two - The Truth Hurts

43. Chapter Forty-Three - Run Away

44. Chapter Forty-four - Making Love On The Mountain

45. Chapter Forty-Five - Soldier Of Death

46. Chapter Forty-Six - Out Of The Woods

47. Chapter Forty-Seven -The Doctor Will See You Now

48. Chapter Forty-Eight - The Final Chapter

49. Chapter Forty-Nine - Epilogue

[voiider]

Okay alright I'm tired of giving more children to Bruce Wayne I think we need to start taking some away 

Tim getting kidnapped (but in a way they don't announce Tim Drake-Wayne as missing??) and is given Something that induces amnesia but he escapes or maybe just literally wanders away but like he's in the middle of Ohio and he's walking down the road unsure of his own name or where he is and a weird looking camper pills over and a large man leans out the window and says “you doing alright there, sonny?” 

And he doesn't really know so he sorta shrugs so they pick him up and the man introduces himself as Jack and this is his wife Maddie and their two kids Danny and Jazz and they're just heading back from a camping trip and they can take him into town (Amity?) and take him down to the station and help him get things figured out 

The police take his picture and upload it to a “found” database or smth but there's no active or recent cases in Ohio for missing persons (or teenagers) matching his description 

(But also, Amity is pretty disconnected from the rest of the world digitally. They mind their business. Sure they run this boy's face in the newspaper and let the neighboring precincts about him but there's not much more they can do until this kid gets some memories back)

So he goes to stay with Jack and Maddie (idk how i don’t care about LAWS) while they wait to see if they get any hits or until he gets some memories back and they register him under Alvin (“hmm maybe... Tom? No, definitely not. Caroline? Alvin? That sounds the best I guess”) Fenton at the local high school so he can keep getting an education (and Alvin isn’t sure why, but this sort of feels like a waste of time, he already knows all this math stuff and why would he want to read Of Mice and Men he’s pretty sure someone told him John Steinbeck was a hack. Or maybe not. He can’t remember) but it’s simple enough and he likes the Fentons even if they keep trying to convince him ghosts are real 

And maybe they are. Actually. Real that is. He saw one the other day and had to double check if knowing ghosts were real is a common knowledge thing that he forgot of if he never knew in the first place. Jazz tells him that ghosts are pretty much an Amity specific thing but that they appear other places and then Jack and Maddie set him down and give him the entire history of ghosts that night and then show him their lab which is pretty cool

And maybe he accidentally suplexed someone who startled him in the halls on his first day and also fell asleep in science,but give him a break! he’s going through a lot right now

But his new brother roommate friend? Is helping him adjust at school by telling him who to avoid and what not to eat from the cafeteria and Jazz is in most of his classes but also he’s not sure why they’re trying to act all sneaky about this Inviso-Bill/vigilante situation because like. That’s clearly just Danny with white hair? He looks the exact same? Also he literally saw Danny walk through the bathroom door last week if it wasn’t obvious enough.

So Tim really isn’t expecting Danny to be surprised that he picked up a thermos that Phantom dropped when he and his friends ran off to fight another ghost

[stxar-pvnk]

Tony arguing with Peter

Tony: I told you to stay put! What did you do? Not stay put!

Peter: I had to save those lives Mr stark! They were in danger! A building was falling on them!

Tony: that doesn't mean you fling yourself under said building nearly crushing your body! You could've died!

Steve: son, if I may just add-

Peter and tony: STAY OUT OF THIS STAR SPANGLED MAN!

Steve: woah.

[kayvsworld]

every single day i'm thinking about that article from the apogee awards slideshow where a 16 year old tony's been "quietly" building dum-e "in a dark corner" of the lab and he's like "it's fun to build something new! i have lots of ideas for changing everyday life. i wanted to win, so i did!" and then half the article is like actually about his dad and comparing him to his dad and just. assumes tony will probably switch from robots to building weapons and it's like. just let him build robots actually. leave him alone i'm so upset

[yourbustedkneecaps]

thinkin ab an au where tony goes back in time to ~2008 to fix shit and recruit as many heroes as possible before thanos becomes a problem but he fucking forgets peter is basically a goddamn baby. may is under the guise peter won some competition or smth and the award is a play date kiddie “internship”/class for adolescent nerds with potential.

tony has no clue how peter got his powers so now he’s just trying to keep him safe with or without the arachnid alter-ego. peter probably ends up at the Avengers ER-med bay after the bite and tony and may freak the fuck out. pepper also becomes Mom Mode as well for this silly little boy genius

tony: i’m putting a team together, cap. you want in?

steve: why not? tho,, i do have one question…

tony: what is it.

steve: who the hell is that child?

tony: …

steve: …

~11 y/o peter: *playing with lab tech/machinery semi-unsupervised* :D!

tony: none of your fu- flocking business now where’s your shield i have some upgrades for you idiot we’re low on time

[tales-of-the-ghost-zone]

DP x MCU crossover

Sometime after Howard and Maria Stark’s death, Hydra decides to try and make a clone of Tony Stark, that’s infused with Super Soldier serum. They were hoping to get a super smart super soldier that they could control.

And thus Danny was born.

At some point when he’s like 2 or 3 one of the Hydra agents whose been his handler since he was born grows a conscious after witnessing the most recent experiment the other scientists in the lab put Danny through. They take Danny and run away from the lab. They don’t get away clean tho, they had to fight their way out of the lab and they were injured in the process. They wind up in Amity Park with baby Danny and come across the Fenton Parents. They hand Danny over to them and tell them to protect and look after the kid. And then they die.

The Fenton parents adopt Danny and raise him as their own. Danny grows up not knowing he’s adopted or that he’s a clone and a super soldier. The ghost portal accident happens when he’s 14 like cannon. The reason he survived and only half died is because of the super soldier serum in his blood.

Eventually, after the whole events of the Danny Phantom series has passed (minus Phantom Planet because fuck that horrible ending to the series). Danny, after defeating Pariah Dark, is now the king of the ghost zone. He still doesn’t realize he’s a clone of Tony Stark. Despite the fact that he looks exactly like a 17 year old version of the man!!!

And then New York happens. A portal opens up in the skies above New York, and aliens come pouring out of it! You bet your ass Danny hightailed it over to New York to help out the group of heroes that were trying to stop the aliens. He’s super hyped to fight aliens!!! He’s just having a blast zooming through the skies of New York, around skyscrapers, throwing punches and ecto-blasts at aliens, helping out the other heroes.

Meanwhile every time he helps one of the Avengers they all double take when they finally get a look at his face. Cause like yes this floating glowing child has glowing green eyes and Snow White hair, but the rest of his face looks like a very young Tony Stark. After each encounter with the boy the different Avengers call Tony over the coms to ask his status and to reassure themselves that Tony hadn’t been de-aged and given super powers mid battle.

Tony is the last one of them that meets Danny. He’s super annoyed at the fact everyone keeps calling him over the coms to ask his status. Like yeah he’s not a super soldier and doesn’t have powers, but neither does Romanoff or Barton!!! And unlike them he has his own super suit to protect him. So why is everyone calling in to check on him?!!!

And then finally Danny comes zooming around a building chasing after Loki’s chariot, shouting sarcastic quips at the god, while firing green blasts from his fists. And Tony just kind of blue screens for a minute. Jarvis has to take over piloting the suit for a minute while Tony reboots. He’s def got the surprised Pikachu face going on. Finally he reboots but Danny’s already flown off to deal with something else.

The battle comes to an end, the portal closes, the world is safe, and all the Avengers all head towards Stark tower. Danny sees them and where they’re headed and decides to meet them there. He’s been the only super hero around for a while and he wants to actually properly interact with these new hero’s!

Imagine his shock when he actually finally comes face to face with Tony Stark and finally realizes how much he looks like the man. He starts panicking thinking his mom had an affair with the man 17 years ago and just passed him off as Jack Fenton’s son.

Absolute chaos ensues as assumptions are made. DNA tests happen. They realize that no he is not Tony’s kid, he’s Tony’s clone. More assumptions are made. No body is having a good time.

[manidk1273]

🎀 — Prodigy

You were the result of a one night stand, your mother tried to "baby-trap" Tony but of course that didn't work. Though, by law— (and since your mother was unstable) you were under the custody of your father, Tony Stark. As the years pass.. he notices a lot about you.

You were the only (known) child of Tony Stark by far. Being only 2 weeks old when the mess happened, you didn't even have a name— You were only given one once your father, Tony Stark won the case. He chose a wonderful name for you.

You couldn't be more grateful. Sure, you were unplanned and it was a little bit messy but he loves you so much. He calls you his greatest creation. You didn't disappoint too. Of course the Stark's were known as geniuses. And you weren't excluded.. in fact, you progressed so much faster than any of your predecessors that scientists wanted to study you at the age of 7 months old. Of course, as your legal guardian and awesome father, Tony immediately turned down the offer.

At age 2, you could already properly read and write. With perfect grammar, you could write long informative text— even stories.

At age 4, you already were learning the fundamentals of mathematics. Addition, Subtraction, Multiplication, Division. And since your father didn't want you to go to public or private schools (too many risks.) he hired personal tutors for you. You already were progressing faster than anyone he ever saw before, and he was so proud.

At age 5, You already could understand the simpler inventions your father made. And it was better since he would explain it step-by-step to you. And this was your favourite time of the day, not only because you get to learn but also because you get to spend time with your dad.

At age 6— your IQ was just.. off the charts. You were devouring knowledge, information like it was your favourite food! And as the caring, loving father Tony is, he happily provided you the things you need (including his love and care.).

You were the youngest of many things. You were already marked as a genius at age 2. Not only did he find out you were a genius an interesting characteristic of yours is that you NEVER, ever forget. You even remembered everything that happened when you were 2 weeks old. You remember the exact date, location and time.. it was insane.

At age 7, you were already competing with competitors 5 times your age. And surprisingly, you won every competition you were in. But of course, you're humble. (Pepper teaches you to always be humble.)

You never ceased to stop learning. It was your hobby, it was fun for you. Everything you read was always imprinted in your mind instantly.

Tony is just.. the definition of proud whenever you do something. Whether it be winning a simple chess match, quiz bee.. trivia, whatever. In fact, he has two whole rooms dedicated to you. With your certificates, trophies, medals. He's just so proud.

As he says,

“ You're my pride and joy, kid. ”

That's currently my first ever try writing in Tumblr, I don't usually write much anymore but I used to be a writer in Wattpad and AO3 😅

I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes I did, please point it out so I can fix them! Much appreciated.

Thank you so much if you reached the end, good day to you<3

[idk-bruh-20]

Irondad fic ideas #154

CW: this one's pretty gruesome. read at your own risk 

Peter is a young child who's been kidnapped. His parents and/or his aunt and uncle were killed and he was taken. Along with a bunch of other little kids, he's been held captive and experimented on.

When the Avengers suddenly bust the kidnapping operation, the kidnappers try at the last second to destroy their research. They gas the small room where the kids are being held.

It's Iron Man who ends up blasting through. What he finds is horrifying. All but one of the children are dead.

The one who's left is just sitting among the bodies, crying, shocked, terrified. Iron Man carries him out of there, then once they're safe from the gas Tony steps out of the suit to comfort the kid while he's given oxygen.

Little 5-year-old Peter Parker imprints on his savior hard.

He just went through an unimaginable amount of trauma, then Iron Man burst through like an avenging angel. This is the first time he's ever felt protected in his memory. Tony holds the crying kid, and the kid can tolerate no one else near him.

This becomes a slight problem when they get back to base. But Tony can't find it in him to let SHIELD take the kid away, let them strip him of this one tiny bit of comfort. He keeps seeing all those other kids when he closes his eyes.

This one needs him right now. And if "right now" eventually becomes "this is my son," well. Who could've predicted that.

[popcorn-plots]

Febuwhump day 22: "You weren't supposed to be there"/Alt -- CPR

Title: ghostbusters rescues

Words: 886

Summary: Tony Stark has a heart attack during an event. Peter performs CPR with the help of a mysterious stranger.

I'm not slowly loosing my mind, you are

~~~

Tonight was about Peter. Midtown's AcaDeca team won Nationals -- Peter answered the tiebreaker questions and Tony couldn't be more proud of his son. As a reward, Tony decided to invite the winning team, their parents, and the AcaDeca teacher (a Mr. Harris) to a celebratory dinner at Stark Industries. Completely free of charge and serving only the best for his son and his friends. Because this was Peter's night, not Tony, and he wanted to be there for his son, not complaining about how he could barely breathe through the tightness in his chest that felt like a panic attack but wasn't and how hard it was to even stay upright with how light headed he was. He didn't, he just grinned and bore it because this was Peter's night. Not Tony's.

But then Peter had noticed how pale and clammy he was and asked if he was alright.

"I'm fine Pete. I'm just tired." Peter didn't look like he believed Tony. "Hey, how about a toast?" Tony asked, trying not to grimace as pain blossomed in his chest. He knew pain was never a good sign, but he only had an hour or so left of the dinner. Everything was fine.

Tony grabbed his glass and heaved himself up, gathering everyone's attention as he did so. "First, I'd like to thank you all for coming tonight to celebrate our AcaDeca national winners!" The crowd cheered. "Second, I'd like to make a toast. A toast to every one of yo-" Tony trailed off as the pain grew. He tried to continue, trying to ignore the concerned gazes of his audience. "of--"

His glass was shattered on the floor, non-alcoholic apple cider pooling on the floor. Tony gasped, clutching at his chest as the pain peaked. He seemed to choke before suddenly, he was sliding to the ground, his world growing dark as he gasped for air he could not have.

Peter was above him, shouting his name. JARVIS was saying something, people were yelling. The last thing Tony remembered was Peter shaking him, telling him to stay awake.

~~~~

Peter watched his dad fall in slow motion.

He was on his feet in an instant, numb to the world as he called out, shaking his dad, telling him to stay awake. Please.

His dad’s eyes slipped closed and his face went slack, head lolling to the side. Peter didn’t think he’d ever forget the image of his dad lying there, unmoving. He wasn’t even breathing .

“Wong, call 9-1-1!” Someone shouted and suddenly, Peter was back in the real world. Everyone was yelling, someone was crying. A tall man with kind blue eyes and dark brown hair knelt besides Peter. A shaking hand reached out and touched Tony’s neck.

“Don’t–”

The man didn’t look up. “He hasn’t got a pulse…'' There was a brief moment of hesitation before the man was barking orders. “Does anyone know CPR?”

No one responded, or no one was able. The man said something under his breath as he turned to Peter.

“What’s your name?” He asked.

“P-peter. Peter Stark.” There was a flash of recognition in the man’s face but he didn’t comment on it.

“Okay, Peter. I’m going to need you to perform CPR. I’ll lead you through it until the ambulance arrives.”

Peter swallowed, shoved his panic down deep inside of him, and nodded. “Good boy. Tilt his head back to open his airway.” Peter did and almost like magic, the CPR course he had taken in 7th grade came rushing back to him.

His dad wasn’t breathing. That was a problem. He also had no pulse. That was the second problem. Peter tried not to focus on the fact that his dad was dead as he laced his hands together and threw his body weight into chest compressions. Up and down, up and down, beating his dad’s heart for him.

The man kept whispering encouragement in his ear. Peter felt stronger with this man by his side, a burst of energy flowing through him with every word the man uttered, numbing the aching in his hands that appeared not a minute into CPR.

The ambulance arrived and an EMT took over chest compressions for a few minutes before shocking Tony’s body. His back arched and an EMT pressed their fingers to his neck. “We’ve got a pulse!”

Peter nearly sobbed in relief. He turned to find the man, but he was gone.

~

Tony went into the hospital nearly dead and came out a few days later without any complications. Peter was just glad his dad was alive. But when Tony tried to find the strange man, he was nowhere.

No one matching his description had ever even set foot in the tower. Everyone who witnessed it said that Peter was working alone. They all had the same story: he fell to his knees next to Tony, talked to himself for a few seconds, and started chest compressions. No one knew who had called the ambulance.

It remained a mystery. Until four months later, when one Doctor Stephen Strange appeared at the monthly Avengers meeting, representing the alliance between the Avengers and Kamar-Taj. 

Peter nearly choked on his chocolate milk.

Ao3

[stackthedeck]

I've been saying this for years but I've finally found the funniest way to say it, in the MCU Tony Stark isn't so much Peter Parker's father figure as he is his deadbeat dad figure. Like Tony shows up once a year to take Peter to a baseball game kinda vibe. Tony in homecoming is like hey kid I know I haven't seen or spoken to you in months but I bought you something and that's basically the same as emotional support. Tony taking Peter to Germany in civil war is like when your deadbeat dad tells your mom you're having father-son time but he's really just taking you to his guys' poker night and trying to get you to cheat for him. When Tony says you're nothing without the suit then you shouldn't have it, it's like when your dad says if you're not going to follow my rules in my house you can leave, I put a roof over our heads what else could you possibly want from me. Tony mourning Peter after infinity war and calling him his kid is like when your dad only wants to hang out with you after he's lost custody. Like well and truly deadbeat behavior no wonder the fanon is like that

[marionluth]

What if Peter learned about Harley's existence through a phone call Tony answered in front of him? Excerpt from my Irondad longfic that serves as an adorable stand-alone of Harley-Tony goodness!

Wordcount: 887

* Peter and Tony were discussing something, when Tony's phone rang and he asked Peter if he minded answering. Peter said it was fine. He didn't regret it. *

“After a whole week of dodging my calls, sending me texts with barely-readable Gen Z slang and abbreviations, I'm borderline worried—nevertheless, happy to finally hear your voice, terrorist,” Tony sent into the phone, causing Peter to look up at him with surprised and confused eyes.

“You know what? I’m just gonna say this, and you make what you want out of it… Black bears simply aren’t eating enough people.”

Closing his eyes and letting out a breath through his nose, Tony prayed for strength and sanity, while Peter couldn’t help but snicker at the words his super hearing easily caught. He watched his mentor waiting for his answer, curiosity peaked.

“What did you do, Harley?”

“I mean… I know Rosehill is a town and all, but, dude! Climate change! Shouldn’t they, like, come down from the mountains and look for food and stuff in towns? Desperately rummaging through trash, finding nothing but our civilization's gloriously gross junk food - that even a hungry black bear wouldn’t touch - and then randomly eating a passerby?”

Peter snorted, trying to keep his amused vocalizations at the random tirade quiet, causing Tony to shake his head in terrified resignation at the inevitability of these two eventually meeting each other.

“And when I say randomly, I may or may not mean my English teacher,” Harley continued.

“What have I told you about applying yourself, Harley?” Tony asked, his resigned tone gaining an edge.

“Something that directly contradicts what you've told me about wasting my potential on frivolous things that won't matter in my future.”

“You see, Harley... The English language we're all jabbering away in, especially in those fancy colleges you're drooling over, doesn't fall into the category of frivolous things that won't matter for your future,” Tony stated.

“It's freaking Shakespeare, mech’!” Harley's voice was a whine now. “The man was crazy! A donkey-headed guy getting it on with fairy queens… I mean, come on!”

Biting his lower lip in an effort to keep himself from laughing, Tony took a deep breath, avoiding eye contact entirely with Peter, who was chuckling and shamelessly listening in to the conversation.

"Harley, we've had this chat before. You can't just bail on everything you don't like. You can’t expect you'll just breeze through school without breaking a sweat. You think MIT or Columbia will roll out the red carpet for you if you flunk everything except math, chem, and science?"

“I already got the lecture from Ava, man. Give me a break, here.”

“I'll give you a break when you give me one, terrorist. But until then, park yourself and hit the books. It's not rocket science; we're talking about fairy tales and donkey-faced characters here. If you can crack quadratic equations without even bothering with homework, I'm pretty sure you can handle Shakespeare.”

“That's torture!”

“No, Hamlet is torture. And you know what else will be torture? Whatever your mom and I come up with if you don’t start putting in some serious effort! You got a week to start straightening things out, Harl, or Ava and I will straighten you out instead. Capiche?”

“But wouldn’t it be a lot more cost-effective if you called school -all Tony Stark and shit - and demanded that I be excused from Shakespeare altogether? Oh, I know! We can make it a religious thing… Like studying Shakespeare goes against my religious dogma! That’s dope! They won’t be able to fight that if it comes from you…”

"Alright, kid, first things first: lay off the Red Bull. Second, if you put half as much effort into hitting the books as you do trying to wriggle out of this, we wouldn't even be having this chat. There's no shortcut around it. Buckle down and get to work."

“So that’s a no to my against-my-religion master plan?”

“That’s a no!”

“I hate you more than Shakespeare hated sanity,” came the resigned answer from the other line.

“Study, donkey-head,” Tony emphasized with a roll of his eyes before hanging up.

“I knew you had a kid hidden somewhere,” Peter said with a smirk.

Letting out a snort, Tony shook his head. "Harley isn't my kid, Pete. We bumped into each other a few years ago, and we've stayed in touch since then."

“That sounded like more than just staying in touch,” Peter commented, eyeing the man. “That’s how you roast me, too."

"Smooth talk, as always, Pete," Tony smirked. "I do lend a hand with Harley, but it's a bit of a different ball game. He's down in Tennessee, so it's more of a long-distance gig. The universe is not done testing me, though, and you two will get to meet. He spends some of his school breaks and a couple of weeks in summer here.”

“So you just habitually collect kids to part-time parent?” Peter asked with a small smile and a raised eyebrow.

Tony gaped at Peter as the kid’s deadpan statement registered. “I… don't have a retort to that.